Just in case you find two seconds in between the packed agenda, here is a little spoof to lighten your day…
Roger Twoyears, Marketing Director, returns from the AdWeek Europe filled with enthusiasm and new ideas…
We open on a board room. It is packed, really packed, with people from different types of advertising agencies.
On the wall is a sign that says “Ivor Packet – Feeding Families for Four Generations”. And, there are packs of food lying about, stacked in pyramids etc. The room is grey and beige, on one wall there is a faded and slightly torn sign “INSPIRATION & CREATIVITY is our work”, there is a brainstorming easel in the corner of the room, on which someone has been playing hangman; the word spells out “Social Media”
From the ad agency there are twelve identical looking people from tall to short, all dressed the same (boys and girls). There is a flash, wide looking media guy on one phone, jabbing at another phone in his hand. Then there is a search agency guy with a propeller hat and very thick glasses, a researcher in a tweed jacket, two giggly PR girls, a guy with a T-shirt that just says MONDAY on it, a designer type, and so on. All, the agencies are either studiously ignoring each other, or squabbling.
A middle-aged man strides purposefully into the room, he is Roger our Marketing Director.
He starts confidently,
“Hi, I’m Roger Twoyears, new Marketing Director of Ivor Packet. Welcome to our first all agency meeting, designed to foster integration and co-creation”
He looks around at the blank faces. “Goodness there’s a lot of you aren’t there?!”
“Let’s kick off with some simple questions to get the ball rolling, who is our target consumer?”
Everyone’s hands shoot to the ceiling, like kids in a kindergarten classroom.
“Ok, you, would you say who you are, and define the consumer for us”
The tallest of the Ad Agency folk stands, looks a little smug, straightens his tie, and speaks
“Hi, I’m Matt and WE ARE CRAYFISH (all twelve agency people say WE ARE CRAYFISH in time with him) the Integrated advertising agency. As your LEAD (all twelve agency people say LEAD) agency we’ve done a lot of work on your target who we like to call Sheila.” Each of the eleven other mini-clones hold up visual boards of a housewife.
Our Marketing Director hero, looks a bit perplexed, and asks of the MD, about his team,
“Excuse me who are all these people?”
Matt, says “I’m MD, he’s AD, she’s junior AD, he’s senior AE, she’s junior AE, he’s CD, he’s CD too, he’s a producer or something, and Wendy is Director of First Impressions from reception” Matt carries on introducing ever more random people until he gets to a very young man, who pops out from behind the crowd…”and lastly Rory, I think you know, is your son – we offered him an internship… just in case…”
The Marketing Director looks a bit uncomfortable but says to the crowd, “So that’s our target is it, Sheila?”
The flash media guy stands up and throws a huge book on the table, the size of a Victorian church bible. “ACTUALLY, we did extensive data research and used a TGI recontact study, fused with our P-R-O-P-R-I-E-T-A-R-Y sources and came up with four targets of our own”
Our hero MD asks, “Uhhm, correct me if I’m wrong but that’s quite different from the creative target, isn’t it?”
The flash media guy looking happy with himself says, “Yes, VERY. MUCH better, but as you know we have a TV deal against 18-34 women, so…”
Roger, our Marketing Director, is now a little irked, “But that’s a different target again, different from the creative and different from your other targets!!” The media guy now begins to understand that he has somehow upset the Marketing Director and sits down, glaring at the ad agency team that is now gloating at his failure.
Then another bean-thin fella stands up – a nerd. He says smugly, “Actually, if I may just actually say, as your database marketing company we actually have six hundred DIFFERENT actual cells against which we precisely target our campaigns, with e-mails, based on actual purchase behaviour… actually…”
He is interrupted by the SEO guy, with thick glasses and a propeller on his head, he theatrically grabs his head and squeezes it really hard, glaring at the data-base guy, “DOH, I MEAN TOTALLY DURRRRRRRR, get with the real time dude. As SEO, PPC, Exchange, Linking building, and a-bunch-of-stuff-you-wouldn’t-understand – junkies we bid using cookies and pixels, in real time, billions of times each second”
But, then the research guy stands up and says “But, steady on, we are the research agency and we research attitudes and usage against 100 adults on a rolling basis each month”, and the Giggling PR girls stand up and say “As your PR and reputation agency we target anyone that will take our photo-shoot pictures, and we’ve a friend at the Glasgow Herald who might take an interview”
Roger, The Marketing Director is now exasperated, holds up his hands, and shouts “STOP!!”
He calms himself and gently starts again…
“Ok, so we may need a bit of work on the consumer piece…” He brightens, “Who wants to talk about our core creative platform idea?”
Again a hundred hands hit the skies. Again, it is Matt the ad agency guy who takes the stage, “As LEAD Agency and OWNER of the big idea we’ve done a TV ad…” a board is passed along the line of twelve ad agency folk, he holds it aloft and waves dismissively at everyone else…“that you people can all activate”.
A new character stands up “We’re funk the digital agency, we’ve built a website as the CORE of the idea, and we’ve made 16 films, but errr, they don’t link to THAT film at all…”
The Marketing Director slumps on the corner of the desk, aghast, as someone else stands.
It is a guy with MONDAY on his t-shirt.
“Hey, we’re MONDAY, we’re the specialist agency for the unique specialist opportunity that is MONDAY.” he points across his chest at the Monday logo on his T-shirt. “We think the big idea is about owning Mondays and building real, credible, authentic storytelling conversations especially using SOCIAL MEDIA”
The crowd goes nuts at the sound of the word “Social”
“We do Social” “No, we OWN social”, “But we’re the mobile agency, and SOCIAL is mobile”, “Our ads will go VIRAL” etc. etc. etc.
Roger looks crushed and ashen as he has patently lost control. A fight between the media guy and the social media guy breaks out, one of the PR girls is pulling the hair of an ad agency girl.
Finally, the Marketing Director picks up a laptop off the desk and throws it against the wall, loudly smashing it. The room quietens and everyone sits down slowly.
Breathing heavily the Marketing Director, glares at the team.
“Ok. Ok. No common target, or insight, or idea…what about effectiveness? Do you have a common framework for evaluating which bits of our, very obviously separate campaigns, work?”
Shrugs, confused looks, Ad agency looks at shoes, media guy is playing with his phone, PR girl looking in a mirror, fluffing hair, etc.
Total silence. Tumbleweed blows through the now still boardroom.
There is a knock on the door. It opens. Four people walk in.
The first, a fat sweaty looking man, pipes up “Sorry. We may have come too late by the looks of things, not that that is unusual of course, I’m Ralph the media auditor” A gaudily dressed lady says “I’m Gloria your production consultant” and then the two others say at the same time “I’m Andrew/David your agency pitch consultant”.
The Marketing Director begins to scream… the sound fades as Roger Twoyears wades into the agencies, swinging and punching, but we see the agencies get him, and hold him aloft, “crowd surfing” him about the place.
We see Roger Twoyears, escape the board room, slam and lock the door behind him. He fishes a card out of his pocket and a phone. We see in close up it is a Flock Associates card.
Flock is the first specialist Marketing Integration & Effectiveness Advisory Company, designed to help you Optimise Your Marketing Ecosystem.
Marketing Integration and Effectiveness needn’t be a nightmare. Take what you have seen at your Conference and put it into action with quiet confidence, and no drama.